Redskins Anonymous

Well the name about sums it up, but here's a video my cousin Scott sent along to me with the tagline "I can't believe it's come to this." Me either buddy. Me either.

A Couple of Jabs

On Sunday evening, my dad, a longtime Redskins fan and season ticket holder (and guy that created the monster of fandom that is your resident blogger), sent me this email. Under normal circumstances, I would have been pissed off and maybe even sent back a smarmy response. However, these aren't normal circumstances we're dealing with as Redskins fans. Here are the contents of the aforementioned email:

From: Dad
To: The Miz

Sent: Sunday, October 18, 2009 11:01:34 PM

Subject: Fwd: Redskins

HEADLINE: "D.C. Police are cracking down on speeders. For the first offense, they give you two Redskins tickets. If you get stopped a second time, they give you two Nationals tickets."

Q. What do you call 47 millionaires sitting around a TV watching the Super Bowl?

A. The Washington Redskins.

Q. What do the Redskins and Billy Graham have in common?

A. They both can make 90,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ."

Q. How do you keep the Redskins out of your yard?

A. Put up a goal post.

Q. Where do you go in D.C. in case of a tornado?

A. To FedEx Field -- they never have a touchdown there!

Q. What do you call a Redskin with a Super Bowl ring?

A. Senior Citizen

Q. What's the difference between the Redskins and a dollar bill?

A. You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q. How many Redskins does it take to win a Super Bowl?

A. We may never find out in the 21st century.

Q. What do the Redskins and opossums have in common?

A. Both play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Awesome. These are dark times we're living in. Dark times I tell you!

Field Goal Fest: Redskins lose 14-6

I wasn't all that far off. Outside of a safety in place of a field goal, the scoring went about as I had expected (I picked a 15-9 Chiefs win). Besides the 40% attendance and major booing and benching Jason Campbell, here are my thoughts on the game:

• Of course the day I call him Albert Haynesworthless, he decides to make a home in the backfield. He actually had an impact, and only limped off the field about seven times. The collapse on the sideline was a little melodramatic, I think.
• Justin Tryon is still awful.
• DeAngelo Hall wasn't exactly good either.
• The rest of the defense really can't be blamed too much...giving up 12 points is nothing to be ashamed of. Plus entering the day, they were 4th overall in the league.
• The offense needs to be blown up. Literally. Save Chris Cooley.
• Jason Campbell's benching was probably something that needed to happen, but it doesn't make it feel any better.
• Todd Collins didn't look any better after his first big throw to Santana Moss.
• Portis was gawdawful outside of that 79 yard run, and he also deserved to be benched. I loved how they said he had an ankle injury, and then showed him STANDING pissed off by himself on the sideline. Nice.
• I think Dan Snyder punished all the no-shows by cutting the wires for CBS and causing the "technical difficulties." Wait...did I say punishment?

I can say I'm mad about this, but I can't get too worked up. It was expected. We've now given FOUR teams their first victory of the season now. Vomit. Odds on Zorn getting fired on the bye week: 3 to 2

Your Sieve of the Week:

Mr. Maroon and Black Himself. No explanation necessary.

Week 6: Kansas City

The Redskins will face their NFL record SIXTH consecutive winless team when the Chiefs come calling to FedEx Field this afternoon. They'll have to do so without one of their best players, and last hope at a semblance of offensive line in Chris Samuels, and with questions swirling around ownership, coaching, and leadership within the organization. The team has seen the likes of Sonny, Sam, Joey T, and John Riggins completely trash everything about the organization in the last several weeks. Things are bad kids. Real bad.

Looking at today, I know I can assure one thing: FedEx will NOT be filled by any means. Not only is Dan Snyder trotting a crappy product under crappy direction onto the field, but it's supposed to be 46 degrees with a 90% chance of rain. Guess who gave his tickets away last night? I was shocked that I was able to find anyone to take them. Now it kills me to miss a game, don't get me wrong, but between my frustrating Saturday (i.e. marching band "competition" sans percussion judge, two hour bus ride with Mermaid Man from SpongeBob at the wheel, Tech choking..again, and the Caps playing down to the Preds) and the weather, there was no way driving up to Landover was in the works for today. So from the comfort of my couch under my still very loved VT blanket, here's my crappy prediction on today's ugg-fest.

• To say the Redskins offensive line is patchwork is laughable. We'll see Stephon Heyer at left tackle (vomit) and Mike Williams (yeah, that dude) at right tackle. I'm pretty sure Will Montgomery's getting the start too. Let's hope he blocks better than his Hokie brethren. Considering that Kansas City has spent a considerable number of picks on their D-line in recent years (from memory: Tyson Jackson, Dorsey and Tamba Hali?)...they aren't without talent, and we'll probably see that today. Ugh. JC might be dead with 6:34 in the second quarter. He'll probably be happy to be put out of his misery.
• What egregious coaching error will we see today? Blown time out? Zorn saying that Brandon Flowers hits too hard and should be kicked out of the game for making a routine tackle? Benching Albert Haynesworthless? Oh wait...
• What the hell happened to Larry Johnson anyway? Wasn't he Adrian Peterson before AD came around? Damn did he drop of the face of the earth. Look for him to crawl out from a rock today and rush for 300 yards.
• Over/Under on Matt Cassel dropped interceptions from Carlos Rogers? 3.

As you can tell, I'm none too happy right now. We have a weak defense, and a pathetic offense. Even superhero Chris Cooley has to stay in and block. God help us all...

Redskins 9
Chiefs 15

Field goal fest, here we come!

Kill Me Now: Redskins Fall to Lions

I never thought it could get this bad. Never. There's always that "oh they're the Redskins and they'll suck against a bad team," but it was always lack of focus. It was never this feeling of sickness, of disgust. The Washington Redskins lost to the worst team in all of football. And they didn't just lose, they were controlled the entire game. From opening kickoff to failed laterals in the closing seconds yesterday, the Lions wanted it more, and proved that they were a better team. It wasn't one of those games like the Rams last year or the old Cardinals back in the day, we just suck. Flat out, no excuses suck. There are two Redskins I respect right now, and only two: Chris Cooley and London Fletcher. The rest have to earn it back. I've got to rant on this, so bear with me.

How on God's Green Earth does any player (besides #47 and #59) justify their fat-ass contract every week for this organization?! We all know Dan Snyder is a moron for paying these like he does, but how can they sleep at night? It's theft I tell ya. They might as well be pulling their plasma TVs, or 100 foot yachts (glares at Albert Haynesworth) right from your house. The complete and total lack of disgust on the sidelines is pathetic, and I just can't understand what is going through their heads right now. Don't tell me the Lions are a good team in the postgame interviews. Bullshit. The Lions are garbage, and they have been garbage for as long as most people can remember. Unfortunately, for as bad as that joke of a franchise is, Washington is worse. To put salt on the wounds, even if we fire Zorn, we've still got money committed to guys like Albert Haynesworth, DeAngelo Hall, and Clinton Portis for years, so good luck with a rebuild. You have to have money to build a new team. I hate to break it to you guys, but this team is done.

Liken the Redskins to a dam that has a ton of holes in it. Each free agent is a finger, which blocks a little of the water, but doesn't solve the overall problem. Over the last ten years, Dan Snyder has committed his proverbial fingers to plug in the holes to keep from a major flood (by staying in the neighborhood of 8-8). What happens now that it's so bad and he's using his toes to try and stop the water, but it just keeps coming? That's the situation we're in. We're handcuffed and can't get any better, but the rest of the NFL has caught up and passed us. The dam burst yesterday.

Our pass defense is terrible. Our run defense is suspect. Our run offense is nonexistant, and our pass offense doesn't have enough competent pieces to matter. This run of mediority, no matter how unsatisfying has given way to worse. Absolute misery. When Snyder's lackies Larry Michael and Frank Hanrahan started trashing the team yesterday, you knew they were done. Snyder's supposed childhood heroes like John Riggins, Sonny Jurgensen and Sam Huff have given up and just flat out call the guy an idiot now. We're the laughingstock of the league...and yet I'll still be there with my butt in 414 next Sunday, because I just can't quit on them. This sucks.

Preseason Week 4: @ Jacksonville

The fourth and final preseason week is here, and thank God it’s almost time for things to matter. I’m going to keep it short and sweet today, so here it goes. Jacksonville is not a particularly exciting city, and I don’t count anyone among their 347 fans a friend, so I don’t have anyone to really talk trash with. Tonight’s not even a glorified tune-up, with guys like Portis, Haynesworth, Fletcher, and the like showing up in street clothes, or not even making the trip at all. Tonight is about the final three or four roster spots that are up for grabs. Here’s what to watch for:

• Marko Mitchell not completely surrendering the fifth and final receiver spot.
• Whether Marcus Mason can prove to be valuable enough to keep as a fourth HB.
• What linemen get a roster spot (glares at Mike Williams, who probably will, albeit undeservingly).
• Who can lock down the fourth/fifth corner spots between Kevin Barnes (here’s hoping), Byron Westbrook and Justin “I can’t cover my leftover brownies with tinfoil let alone an NFL fourth-stringer” Tryon. I bet you can guess who I hope gets cut.

Try not to freak out flipping between the first round of college football games and this matchup, and I won’t fault you for switching for good at halftime. However, just be aware that Dan Snyder might just find a way to sue your ass if you don’t watch the whole game. Preseason is part of the package if you didn’t already know!