For the theme of September, I thought it would be fun to do a little riff off of my favorite show and put a DMV personality to characters in South Park. We’ll start with minor characters and build up to the main characters. I’ll give a description of each character, the personality (or personalities) and why they compare.
This one goes out to all the Virginia Tech students that have had to endure the tyrannical reign of Jim Weaver as the head of the athletic department. Our old arguments against ol' Weaver were his overall annoyance with any kickoff after 12 PM, and managing to arrange 15 year long contracts with programs like East Carolina. Fortunately, Weaver's scheduling ability has somewhat improved (although Furman and W. Kentucky were WEAK last season). Unfortunately, while not working out deals to play Alabama and Boise State, Weaver has sucked all the fun out of Blacksburg. This is where our comparison comes in:
Sheila Broflovski is a stay-at-home mother. As a result of hearing something shocking or inappropriate, she is often heard exclaiming "WHAT, WHAT, WHAT!?", saying each word in rapid succession and putting more emphasis on the last "what". Sheila has been depicted as being a huge fan of Barbra Streisand.
Like Sheila, Jim Weaver supposedly wants "the best" for athletic events in Blacksburg, and has done quite a bit towards in improving our status as a major competitor in multiple sports (i.e. new basketball facility, baseball facility, soccer stadium). However, his overprotective nature has carried over, and consequently pissed off a large percentage of Hokie Nation. Like Sheila, who forbids Kyle from going to heavy metal concerts and seeing naughty movies like Terrance and Phillip, Jim Weaver wants no part of any debauchery and merriment that could take place outside, or inside Lane Stadium on gamedays. He has all but banished tailgating from campus, told fans that they cannot throw footballs in the parking lots, and eliminated the fan-favorite "Stick It In" cadence. He even threatened the drumline with expulsion from the Marching Virginians if they played it. Luckily, he has his hands so far up Dave McKee's butt (who would be cast as Gerald, Sheila's husband, and is the "director" of the MVs), that McKee even threatened one of my good friends who is an MV and started a Facebook group protesting Weaver's tyranny.
But that's not all. Jim Weaver took the fight to our pregame entrance. He insisted that both teams run out of their respective tunnels together, as to prevent booing from the fans. BOOING. At a football game. Sounds kind of like how Sheila didn't want her son to play hockey even though he was born in Canada. The sportsmanship aspect is one thing. Don't go picking fights with opposing fans. Welcome them to Blacksburg, but when their team runs on the field, you boo and scream until your lungs hurt. Weaver also tried to do a "We Are Marshall/Penn State" deal after the 4-16 shootings, which I still find lame and not exciting. I like our "Let's Go Hokies" better any day of the week. But while Weaver is an overprotective, oversensitive sissy, he does seem to have the good of the athletic department at heart.*
*I would just like to acknowledge that I wrote an entire post about Jim Weaver and didn't flip out or make a Parkinsons joke. Guess he wouldn't want me to shake things up...ZING! So much for that.